I returned to Paderborn last Tuesday evening and on Wednesday morning tried to update my blog. However, the technology fooled me and my finally crafted prose disappeared into the ether. I shall try to recreate what I can recall from memory, although it will be but a poor imitation of the original.
As I was flying from Heathrow on Tuesday, and my colleague was unable to pick me up from home, I decided to travel, to the office, by train. This is something I haven't done for a long time so it was with some trepidation that I boarded the train. For those unaware of the vagaries of train travel in the South East of England, I had first to travel North East to Clapham Junction in order to catch a second train in a West-South-Westerly direction to Bracknell. As the train I should catch from Epsom was at 7.23, and I invariably arrive very early. I rose at 4.45 a.m. I packed my bags and had a very light breakfast, a cup of tea. My wife had arisen by the time I was ready to go and offerred to drive me to the station. It's not far but carrying a heavy laptop case as well as a rucksack made the offer of a lift double desirable. As a result I arrived at the station in time to catch the 7.00 a.m. train to Clapham Junction. This was probably just as well as I had no idea which platform to go to to catch the Bracknell train. In the good old days when British Rail owned everything from the tea rooms to the track there would have been a large board listing all departures and arrivals together with details of which platform was used. However, in these days of private enterprise and cheapest bids the only way to find out the correct platform was to consult the Oracle. The Oracle, in this case, turned out to be a young man collecting tickets at the exit to the station. Oracle duly consulted I headed for the indicated platform and confirmed the information with the guard on the platform. Both members of staff were extremely cheerful and helpful.
During my journey on these two trains my eyes were opened to the vagaries of travel on today's modern railway system. One day they will get rid of all the 1930's slam door carriages and replace them with the new rolling stock that was built but still is too fragile for our rail network. Apparently the German company building the rolling stock had to deliberately damage their test track in order to simulate the state of Britain's rail network. Thank God they didn't have to simulate a crash or they would have had to destroy the track completely. Anyway, I digress. The oddity of rail travel that caught my attention was the almost unknown sport of carriage surfing. As a traveller inexperienced in the etiquette of modern rail travel and burdened with two heavy bags I tried to leave my luggage as much out of the way as possible. I needn't have worried. Travellers like myself are a godsend to the elite carriage surfer. The surfer, with his intimate knowledge of railway platforms and train lengths, positions himself so as to board the train at one end. His task is then to follow the course from his chosen carriage, over and through all obstacles, to the carriage at the opposite end of the train. He scores in a simple fashion: forcing a fellow traveller to move aside scores 1 point; if his fellow passenger has to move his luggage aside that scores 5 points; if, however, the fellow passenger has to lift his luggage from the floor that scores 25 points. All of this must be achieved silently. Penalty points are deducted at 1 for an unintelligible grunt, 3 points for an "Excuse me", and 50 points for a clear request to move so the participant can pass. Real experts are often able to reach the far end of the train and return to the original carriage before reaching their destination station. There are, of course, frauds and cheats amongst the amateur participants in the sport. You can spot them because they force their way through to the next carriage and merely turn around straight away to return to their starting point. One of the more interesting aspects of carriage surfing is that the spectators not only form an important part of the course but also participate in a way not seen in any other sport. If spectators spot a favourite surfer they deliberately move into his way so that they can readily move aside to allow him to score higher. Some even deliberately place luggage on the floor instead of in the racks to allow high points to be scored. The less favoured competitors frequently find themselves looking at the backs of spectators who seem unusually to be mostly deaf to grunts and muttered, "Excuse me"s and only move, with a satisfied smile after a particularly clear, "Please, can I get by". Scoring is the responsibility of the individual surfers who are remarkably honest perhaps because of the penalties for cheating. Any surfer caught cheating by his fellow will have his season ticket torn in half and will have to travel by a later train for the rest of the season.
More on the rest of the week later.
Recent Comments